God said, "no".

God is really held tight to me this year.  I am blessed to be able to feel this, He knows that I am a worrier, and that I am an anxious thinker. Pray, He is whispering. Pray without ceasing. He wants to have control of my problems and my worries.  I have to make the choice to give it up to him.

This past year has been another year of challenges and trials.  I have tried to stop and see what God has planned in it. But I can't even begin to be able to know what he knows about my future. It has taken me a while to get to the place of not needing to know what will happen next.  To be able to let go of worry and just trust in Him to take full control.  The blessing in getting there, has been this ability to drop to my knees, not out of pity or worry or fear, but out of true thanksgiving and rejoicing that God has given me adversity and trials. Like the waves on an ocean transforms and sculpts the sands on the beach, God has allowed some really tough stuff to come along in my life. Not just to test how much I will trust Him, but to also make me seek and pursue Him.  He has pursued me my whole life.

 Do I think God is going to answer all my prayers?  Well, at this point, God's answer is looking like a "no" on most of my prayers lately. Though I have to remember that a "no", means, "not now" or I have other plans for you.   "For I know the plans I have for you," not always the way that I had wanted it, but God has in his supernatural ways worked things out for my good.  I don't have any ability to choose what is best for myself. God already knows what will happen, what I will do, and how he will work it out.  Amazing how I look back at my life and see how where I am now, could not have happened without God's interfering.  And I'm so grateful He did.