Into the Unknown

I feel like I am walking into dark waters. A journey into an unknown, and territory that has wounded me before. I am anxious and nervous at the same time. Afraid that willingly going into something that could fail people I love so much, will be all on me. I go into this knowing fully what the cost could be.

It has taken me many months of prayer to go here again.
But I have many signs through my prayers to "go forward". To take this step. To Trust. To believe.
If I were to sit still and let my fears over take my faith, the dreams I have, and the plans that God has for me, could potentially be lost forever.

I know that I am not able to do this without His strength.  I know that what I face is challenging, emotionally exhausting, and potentially life changing. For good or bad.

I have a disturbed calm about me. It's almost like an internal battle between myself (evil) and good. I want to be a mess over all of this. I want to loose it in my panic and anxiety. I want to melt and withdraw and completely hibernate until this is all over. But there is something inside of me holding me up, telling me I am equipped, I am ready and I am covered. It is the arms of God holding on to me, to keep me strong. I am telling myself that no matter what happens, I can handle it. God's will be done. I have taken the first steps all the while whispering "Jesus Jesus Jesus", because I need Him more than ever.

Please be in prayer for my family.

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters… You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light,” 2 Samuel 22:17 and 29