Rituals and Routines: Rx for health

I have shared custody of my two firstborn kids with my ex. That means half the week - they're at their Dad's. The day they return is referred to as "transition day" between my husband and I. Meaning "time to get them used to Mom's house again". We now have termed that day "Family night" meaning that whole evening from dinner on is devoted to doing something together, as a family, in order to help everyone bond again a little easier. It's been a lot of fun, and we have created a lot of memories in the process. And because of that, we took a usually negative day and made it into a day the whole family looks forward to. Normally we end up just playing a game together, (crowd favorite is "Charades"), but we change it up now and then to keep everyone interested.

Rituals and routines are important for family togetherness, and are shown to be therapeutic during times when the family unit is threatened, such as a divorce, or remarriage. The difference? Rituals are episodic (meaning regular and repeated), and have symbolic value. It is the way to convey your family identity. Usually involve Birthdays, Christmas, or family reunions. Routines, are regular, consistent ways of doing something in your day. Bedtime, chores, dinnertime. Rituals have been shown in studies to improve marital satisfaction, help teen identity issues, improve academic achievement, and beneficial to children's and parents health overall. Not to mention to family relationships! Which is very important in a blended family such as ours.

Today's Contemporary family is being called "entropic": at risk of falling apart. Understandable considering how much busier we are now than previous generations. Chaotic schedules leave little time and little choices for willing participants in family activities. Taking a step back and asking if these activities "meet the needs of our family", is suggested in helping cut what isn't important in taking up precious time for each other. Dropping an activity or two in order to allow more time for togetherness, sends a great message to your kids that "family comes first". I think an important one for those entering into teen-dom. (dom dom dommmm)

So how do you get it going? First, understand some important guidelines.

1. Keep it simple. If it's difficult, or expensive, or too time consuming, it'll become a chore. You don't want that. The idea is to keep everyone interested so it becomes a "ritual". We play charades. We didn't buy a game. We all made up our own titles and wrote them on small pieces of paper and tossed them in a gift bag. We add new ones all the time to keep it fresh!
2. Yes, do it often. Once a week is optimum, but once a month, or even once a year for you really busy families will still hold some benefits. I know of some families that get together at a local food bank every holiday season and serve the homeless.
3. Pick something for everyone. Make sure that no one could be excluded. Everyone needs to be able to be involved. From the youngest to the oldest member.
4. Oh, and it does have to be fun. The sounds of your children laughing and being silly is sooo worth it! My friend has made Saturdays, once a month, "pajama day". No one is allowed to get dressed, and it's all lounging and enjoying each other. I'd go for that once a week!!
5. Put the emails, Social Networking, iphones, and tablets away! No technology allowed during family time! Unless it's pertinent to your activity. All attention is to be focused on the kids and the activity. You can't be fully present if you are "multi-tasking".
6. Plan a time, stick to it, and be flexible. If the activity looses excitement, change it up, or rotate activities allowing everyone a chance to make a choice!

Routines are probably things that you are already doing, and probably started when you had your first child. Routines are praying together before every meal, our two year old will NOT let us forget this one, bedtime schedules and preparations, going to church every Sunday, and picking out your clothes before school in the morning. Routines have all the health benefits rituals have, and still keep your family strongly bonded.

Positive, fun experiences as a family make emotional imprints on the minds of your children. The memories that they create bring positive experiences that may be recalled and passed on to future generations! Enjoy your family, we're all we've got!